Blessed Work

Most of you know I've been working at Ann Taylor LOFT since last Friday, August 24. Well, most of you also know that retail was by far one of the very last things I wanted to "succumb to" in searching for a job. Is anyone really surprised that this is where God put me anyway? ;) Me neither.

I was dreading having to sell clothes and AT credit cards and just be in the business of enabling our materialistic culture (I dramatize things). Yet, I have to surrender to this fact: God has put me in such a sweet place. Yes, my feet hurt like the dickens everyday when I get home from work. BUT, He has given and provided me some really good things as well:

• 1. Two of the greatest managers ever. JD is probably gay (we're not sure) but he's funny and energetic and allows me to be sassy without having to be afraid he'll misunderstand. And Anastasia is just the sweetest thing. She likes to give us a break because she knows we work hard and try our best, and she genuinely enjoys us.
• 2. A wonderful co-worker named Allison. She lives about 15 minutes away from my house and went to Lee High School (shout-out to Sarah!). She is incredibly nice and has encouraged me from the get-go; she shows me how to do things at the store b/c she worked there in the past, we laugh and joke together, we obsess about the new clothes we want from the store and then make sure the other doesn't spend too much money. She's awesome.
• 3. God has blessed my work already! And I've only worked there for about 3 days! He has guided women to me that offer my name at the register at checkout, so the sale is credited to me (sort of like commission)...and these are women that are buying hundreds of dollars worth of clothes. Ya'll really, it's amazing considering I have no retail experience AND I never really cared for this kind of work. He is moving on my behalf! Praise Him. By His grace is this all working out as great as it is.

I just wanted to give you all some kind of an update and to let you know that God really does care about the small and ridiculous things. :) And He's teaching me/showing me about this:

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. -Colossians 3:23-24

It is the Lord, CHRIST, you are serving...and so, I am pursuing faithfulness at Ann Taylor LOFT. Who woulda thunk it?

Provision

I have a part-time job at Ann Taylor LOFT starting this Friday. :) God has provided for me when I knew I really couldn't wait any longer for something to come through; my money is almost gone and I still have bills to pay, I have serious cabin-fever from constantly being in my house searching for a job and my self-esteem is/was extremely low. You really start to wonder about yourself when nobody will hire you!

And I am grateful for this provision. It's not at all what I had imagined or planned for myself, coming out of 17 years of school...I wanted something else, to be sure. But once again, God has given His best, regardless of what I think I ought to have. (And I must tell you, I think I ought to have a full-time job that gives me a strong sense of value and purpose, along with great benefits.) ;)

But really, WHO AM I to question what the Lord gives? I, who have absolutely nothing without Him...not even a living body without the provision of His life-giving breath...

"I was found by those who did not seek Me; I revealed myself to those who did not ask for Me."
Romans 10:20

He provided Himself without even being asked; He showed Himself to me when I did not even know to look for Him. HE PROVIDES. I'm learning how to be confident in His provision...haha, but it's not a very pretty process. I tend to get real angry and I whine a lot...makes me real glad He's the parent and not me. :)

Anywho, my blogs tend to be all over the place, and I'm sorry for that...doesn't make for easy reading, I know. The job is the big news of the day/week/whatever. Thank you so many times over to those of you who have been praying for me this summer. You guys are just an extension of Love and my steps are made easier through you. Thank you, thank you. Later taters.

God's Best

I've been discouraged the majority of the summer because I cannot find a job and I'm running out of money. I miss the immediate fellowship that college offered; the constant availability of my brothers and sisters. I grow tired of introducing myself to new situations and experiences here in Springfield. My heart is exhausted with the effort of trying to stay optimistic and faithful in the midst of continuous rejection (jobs) and constant new-ness (people & places).

But I was reminded of something yesterday: the new, the old, the struggle, the laughter, the exhaustion, the excitement...this is God's best for me, His daughter. Where my life is right now is His best for my heart, my body, my mind and my soul. He is being JUST as good to me today as He was 5 months ago when I was finishing up my Senior Seminar and enjoying all the benefits of college with my lovebuckets. :)

There is comfort in knowing that He is not holding anything back from me. Because the thing is, I can become pretty irrational and imagine He's dangling a job in front of me just to tease me and then yank it away the minute I've gotten my hopes up...which is just SICK. But I think these things sometimes.

God offers me His whole loving heart, every minute of every day. I don't accept it most of the time because I'm so full of sin and so riddled with ridiculous fears, but at least I have moments of clarity where I can really KNOW that He is love and He offers Himself freely. I can KNOW that He's planned the absolute best path for my feet even though my emotions scream in disagreement.

I have God's best right now. And tomorrow morning, when I'm at that point where I get to decide what I'm going to believe for the day, God is going to offer me His best...again.

"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act."
Psalm 37:5

DUH

I really am as dumb as a sheep.

I've been waiting for a job to bring me all the world's happiness and purpose I so long for. I've been waiting for "the jumpstart moment", for something to ignite a fire under my ass and propel me into the big 'ole world to do great and mighty works. I've been waiting for God to inspire me as I continue this hellish activity they call job-searching. I've been waiting to magically discover (without consistent prayer or belief for that matter) what God's plans are for this current phase of my life.

WELL. I won't say I've been waiting in vain, because I'm not convinced that's true. But I have definitely been waiting badly; irresponsibly; bitterly; selfishly; with much doubt. And the thing is, I've just been waiting to BE HAPPY. Everything else is just a way (though wrong) to be/become happy. After being a Christian for 7 years, I've apparently learned very little! Christ is ALL. He is my happy. He is my joy. He is my struggle, my pain, my breathing, my sustenance, my rest, my energy.

Now, to live Him.

"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised."
Romans 4:20-21

I feel incredibly irrational and illogical, trusting the Lord with all that I want and trusting that He's arranged EVERYTHING without leaving one tiny bit to chance, and trusting that it is GOOD...ALL OF IT. Abraham, by all accounts (except God's) was foolish to believe God was going to give him a son as the years dragged on and he and his wife, Sarah, grew older and older. But he believed anyway. He believed and believed and believed. He believed when he woke up in the morning, when he ate his lunch, when he watched his wife's face age with worry lines, when he stared at the stars, imagining "the nations" God had promised so many years ago...without having seen the fruit of God's promise. And God credited Abraham's belief as righteousness. Abraham was righteous in God's eyes because he believed God's spoken promise. HE BELIEVED GOD.

2 things. The first being this. I want work so badly; a good work, a worthy work. Well, danigirl, here it is for you:

"This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent."
John 6:29

And really, that's turned out to be MORE than enough of a challenge for me! I should live this one out, plain and simple.

Second thing.

"Delight yourself also in Me, your Lord, and I will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4

This verse is used so incorrectly all over the place, I almost cringe when I hear it. BUT, I hear God in this verse, none-the-less...my work is to believe in His Son, delight in the work and person of Jesus Christ...and therefore I receive my happiness, my joy and delight...JESUS CHRIST! My want of a job is a hidden desire for my Lord...He ONLY fulfills.

I just want Jesus. It's Him that's going to make ANY work I do valuable. Sometimes it really is so simple.