Soon after I wrote my last post, I had an interview for an Administrative Assistant position with Campus Crusade for Christ's Military Ministry (in Newport News). I completely convinced myself that this was where God wanted me and had been leading me all along. Well, I was wrong. :) Nothing came of that because it turned out I was not qualified (which I did not discover until halfway through the interview, argh). So, I went home dejected that one more thing had not worked out and I was still jobless with no prospects. It was a really rough couple of days after that, wondering where in the world God would have me work when I felt He had given me such a strong desire to work with the military.
During this time my pastor was in the middle of his 3 part series on Idolatry, titled "No Other Gods". Talk about packin' a power-punch to my soul. He gave us these 7 questions to examine our hearts and find out what our idols were in our lives:
1. What is your greatest fear in life?
2. Where do you run for comfort in troubling times?
3. What do you complain about the most?
4. How do you explain yourself to other people?
5. What has caused you to be angry with God?
6. What do you want to have more than anything else?
7. What do you treasure the most?
These are eye-opening questions if you allow yourself to answer them truthfully. On March 9, 2008, I could answer most of those questions with 1 answer: a job. I complained the most about my fruitless job search; I used my ongoing job-search and my hoped-for "dream" job to explain myself to people; I had gotten angry and frustrated with God for not delivering this "dream" job; the thing I wanted the most in my life was a good job; and finally, I treasured the thought of having an incredibly purposeful job more than anything at that time. Was I surprised at my answers? YES. Yes, I needed one and graduating college is (supposedly) supposed to lead to one...but this was bordering on obsession. My quest for a job had almost taken over everything! It had definitely kicked God off His throne and had given me (what I'm sure was to others) an extremely annoying case of tunnel vision. It was time to get my grip back on Jesus and to let go of my fanatical obsession with this fantasy job.
My pastor defined idolatry as misplaced worship. I was worshipping this fantasy job because I was looking for fulfillment and wanted to find a solution to the years of purposelessness I felt while in school. Even now I have to ask myself, how many times do I have to be reminded that ALL the fulfillment I will ever receive on this planet will be from Jesus Christ? Prone to wander? You have no idea.
So, once you name your idols the next step is to confess them to the Lord and destroy them. Well, how was I supposed to destroy this idolatrous fantasy job? I mean, it was still a fantasy; I hadn't found this magical job and wasn't any closer to locating it. How to destroy what didn't exist...
And then I knew. I had to get a job I didn't really want. Walls began to close in and my heart started to race as I even contemplated the thought of doing such a wicked thing...hahaha just kidding. However, it was soberingly clear. A passionless job was the prescribed anti-dote to my idolatrous heart. (And let's just be clear that this was coming at a point when I had been unemployed for 3 months and was stubbornly holding out for my fantasy job; I am not in any way advocating that those in great jobs should up and quit them.) The next step, after having confessed and destroyed your idols, is to then replace them with Jesus. You cannot simply leave empty space where your idols once were. Man was created to worship. Man just needs to get a clue every now and then and remember Who he's supposed to be worshipping. Amen?
Next step? Repeat as necessary. And trust me, it's necessary. More to come soon...
