The LORD is faithful to all His promises
and loving toward all He has made.
The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to You,
and You give them their food at the proper time.
You open Your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all His ways
and loving toward all He has made.
The LORD is near to all who call on Him,
to all who call on Him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD watches over all who love Him...
Psalm 145:13-20
It is excruciatingly tense and chaotic inside of me, the constant pull to depend on myself for happiness and the Spirit's ever-present whisper that He is enough and He is good... See friends, I so badly want to trust God. I long to know His good heart and trust that His desire is to bless me. But I am scared to open myself to His promises for fear that they will not hold the things I want in life. The Lord promises:
"Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
..I'm afraid it's not true. I'm scared to let myself find out. I have not lived the abundant life Jesus spoke of. It has been beyond my grasp my entire Christian life because of my depression. Now I have the mental and emotional capacity to choose His abundant Life and I am kind of clueless on how to do so. But I want to. I really really want to know and love Him more than everything and everyone else.
I want Psalm 145 to be my story; my story of confident trust that my God is "faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made." Amen.
